Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
