yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
