nut hugger
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
