can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
