His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
no you cant smoke seaweed
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
