you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
