hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
