Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize