I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
