I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
