Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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