maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
