me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
