Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
