K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
