I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
