Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Alive.
So much puke
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And then my night got REAL pukey
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
