The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
