Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
