I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
