you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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