I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
