4 words: hood of his car
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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