i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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