did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
