you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
