drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
