My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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