How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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