what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
