I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
