Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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