Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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