My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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