i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
