She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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