This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
