Can i not drive my cunt home
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
