those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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