Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
