just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
