Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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