drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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