I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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