If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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