Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize