my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
