are you still at the devil's house?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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