I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
