Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
