I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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