Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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