sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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