the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
