I just threw up on my dentist
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
These tits shall not be calmed
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize