I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
