Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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