Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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