Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
