Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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