I didn't shave. On purpose
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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