Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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