I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
