I accidentally had phone sex last night
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
