i just wanna soil my oats bro
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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