Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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