I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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