You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
