Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(620): View more from Kansas

Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.

(1-620): View more from Kansas

No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.

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(313): View more from Michigan

I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes

Fav 50 5805 1106
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(504): View more from Louisiana

I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.

Fav 10 4268 1369
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(415): View more from California

Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.

Fav 4 813 1556
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.

Fav 4 1785 781
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(303): View more from Colorado

Watching her eat just hurts me

Fav 7 691 1301
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(863): View more from Florida

So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.

(1-863): View more from Florida

You're a fucking train wreck.

Fav 3 1850 958
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(727): View more from Florida

What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?

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(336): View more from North Carolina

boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.

(815): View more from Illinois

he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.

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