i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize