would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
