my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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