just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Randomize