I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
