You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
