i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
