WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
