I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
