I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
