i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
