24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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