I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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