My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize