Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
