The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
