I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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