i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
