My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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