I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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