Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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