I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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