So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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