i always forget guys have bellybuttons
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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