Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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