New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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