Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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