in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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