people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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