why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
