apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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