you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
